


Best worst mistake

by WritingRevolutionary



Category: Rent (2005), Rent - Larson
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bartender Roger Davis, Bisexual Roger Davis, Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, HIV/AIDS, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Insecurity, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Past Relationship(s), Post-Canon, Post-Rent, bisexual mark cohen, just in reference to maureen and mark don't panic, sort of but not really i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:26:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29251443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingRevolutionary/pseuds/WritingRevolutionary
Summary: Three times people question Roger's commitment to Mark, and three times his resolve wavers and he lets it get to him. Until Roger convinces him that he's there to stay. Every time.Sort of a sequel of my fic 'The way that I love you' but more from Mark's point of view, but can easily be read as a stand alone, as can each of the three sections really, so there's that
Relationships: April/Roger Davis, Mark Cohen/Maureen Johnson, Mark Cohen/Roger Davis, Roger Davis/Mimi Marquez, Thomas B. Collins/Angel Dumott Schunard
Comments: 6
Kudos: 4





	Best worst mistake

“He’s not bad is he?” 

Mark looked down, embarrassed to have been caught so completely absorbed in watching Roger’s movements as he worked behind the bar, a job he’d taken up when the music business was slow, and that he’d enjoyed so much that he’d kept, even as his music career began to pick up. Mark grinned and let out a small laugh, barely glancing at the man who’d asked the question before replying, “He certainly isn’t”. 

“Well, sorry if you were planning on making a move but so am I, and let’s face it, I probably stand more of a chance, y’know?” That was when Mark turned to face him, grinning. 

“I don’t need to make a move. Hey Rog!”

The guy sitting next to him at the bar gazed at him dumbfounded as Roger sidled over to them and winked at Mark. “Miss me already?”

“Something like that”, and Roger immediately understood as Marked rolled his eyes and almost imperceptibly nodded his head towards the guy. 

“Half an hour and my shift finishes and we can go home”. 

“Not soon enough”. Roger raised an eyebrow at Mark’s empty glass and his suggestive look and, knowing full well that Mark was practically stone-cold sober (he’s served the drink after all), but wanting to play it up for their audience, teased Mark, saying, 

“Damn, you know how horny you get when you’re drunk?” 

“You love it”. 

“I sure do”. Mark chose that moment to lean up and pull Roger towards him for a kiss, purposefully holding very little back before eventually pulling away and nipping at Roger’s bottom lip as he did so. Roger looked a little dazed, and not just for show. 

“I’ll see if I can get off early”, he promised, meaning every word. 

“I thought you might say that”, Mark replied smugly. Then he turned to the guy next to him. “It’s been nearly six months, and we’re very happy’, he said, ‘so you can either buy a drink, or fuck off”. 

He chose the latter, and Mark smiled, just a little sadly. It sure as hell wasn’t the first time someone had tried to get off with Roger right in front of him. It had even happened when people knew full well that he and Roger were together. But then, most people seemed to think that Mark was just a passing fancy for Roger. Mark didn’t usually correct them on that front, but dammit he hadn’t passed yet, and he was sure as hell gonna make sure people knew that at the very least. He was well aware that he wouldn’t be most people’s first choice, or even an option in a ‘if we were the last two people on earth’ type scenario for some, but surely Roger had to think he was somewhat decent to be seen with him, to sleep with him, to say that he loved him. But then, they were friends, so maybe Roger was just used to him. 

That was what Mark always thought, ever since he’d found some courage out of nowhere and kissed Roger softly, only to find Roger returning it, the kiss becoming more heated until he’d lain his head against Mark’s shoulder and said that he loved him. And Mark had said it back, knowing that he meant it in a way that Roger didn’t, but allowing himself to say the words regardless. He hadn’t known then that it would escalate to saying it more often, and kissing more often, or to holding hands, or cuddles, or sex, or being referred to as Roger’s boyfriend. And every time he came close to allowing himself to truly believe that Roger meant it all, and genuinely wanted Mark, rather than using him as a stop-gap before another whirlwind romance with a beautiful woman, someone like the guy at the bar would remind him that they just didn’t make sense together. And at some point, Mark would have to accept that. But that was easier said than done when Mark saw Roger’s eyes shine when he looked at him, or when he whispered he loved him into his neck as he left kisses there in a way that surely anyone would believe. Tonight was the last straw. Tonight, he needed to know for sure. 

“Why are you with me?” he whispered, his back turned away from Roger as they lay in bed in the dark. 

“What?!” Roger asked incredulously. 

“You heard me”. 

“Is this about that guy tonight? I love you Mark, isn’t that enough?” 

“As a friend”. 

“What?” Roger said again, not following. 

“You love me as a friend, which is fine, that’s good, but I love you as more than that, and the sex is great and everything Rog but I need more than that and I know you don’t feel the same, why would you, you’re so way out of my league, we’re not even in the same ball park, God, everyone makes that abundantly clear, and I’m not an idiot, I just wasn’t ready to give this up yet, and I probably never will be but I know now that I have to if…” he was hyperventilating now, and he noticed that Roger had curled up next to him and put a comforting arm around his middle, the other one stroking his hair. 

“Hey, hey, shhh, I am head over heels stupidly in love with you in the gayest way possible and that is a promise; If it’s possible for us mere mortals to achieve I love you as much as Collins loved Angel. You were made for me Mark, and I’m sorry it took me so long so realise that but I’m not going anywhere. As for being out of your league, are you kidding me? I’m a deadbeat former junkie with HIV Mark, I don’t exactly have a sparkling record. I sure as hell don’t deserve you”. 

“But you’re gorgeous”. 

“Thanks”, Roger snorted. 

“No, I mean, You. Are. Gorgeous. And everyone knows it and thinks why the hell are you stuck with me?” 

“You know you’re gorgeous too, right Mark? And I’m not stuck with you. I chose you”. 

“I kissed you first!”

“And I kissed you back. It’s always been you Mark. If no-one else sees how amazing you are then that’s on them. And I promise you that I do”. Mark turned around and kissed him then, feeling truly loved, and beautiful, for the first time in his life.

▪ ▪ ▪

They had been together for just over two years when Roger got the call from his mom saying that his grandfather had died, and he decided, against his better judgement, to bring Mark with him to the funeral. Although he hadn’t seen him in years, Roger had fond memories of his grandfather, far fonder than the memories of his actual father, and he knew he would need Mark both to comfort him over his loss and to deal with the parental onslaught with his father, even if Mark being there would only make it worse anyway. 

They stood at the back of the church with Roger’s mom. It was her father-in-law’s funeral, but her and Roger’s dad had divorced long ago and she didn’t want to be too visible, despite still wanting to be there for her son. Roger clung to Mark’s hand the whole time, trying to pay attention to the service and not what his dad would say when they saw him. But as it happened, it was Mark who got cornered first as he left Roger’s side to get drinks for them both at the wake.

“And who the fuck are you?” Roger’s father spat, clearly attempting to look down at Mark, despite only having about half an inch in height on him. 

“I’m Mark”, Mark replied brightly, standing tall and trying not to bristle at the words. Roger had pointed out his dad to Mark when they entered, advising him to avoid him at all costs, and Mark didn’t want to reveal too much without Roger’s say so. 

“I’m Roger’s friend”, he settled on, “I was just getting him a drink, so if you’ll excuse me…”

“Don’t think I don’t know what you are. I don’t know what your game is but he’s no fag, so you can stop chasing after him like a lost puppy”. Mark stayed silent, ducking his head and attempting to walk away before he caught a glimpse of Roger walking towards him, and looking absolutely fuming. Without hesitation he turned on his father. 

“What did you say to him?” His father merely snorted in response. “What the fuck did you say to him? Mark…” 

“I told him you weren’t queer and to stop handing off of you like he does. I’m surprised you put up with it but then you’ve never been very strong willed. Take after your mother, mixing with all sorts…” 

“I am”. 

“What?” 

“I am queer. And Mark’s my boyfriend and you can’t treat him like that”.

“You’re not serious”. 

“I am”. 

“You’re telling me, that you, Mr. ‘I’m a big shot rock star with all the girls screaming at me’ is a fag? And that that’s your boyfriend”. He spat out the words venomously. 

Mark rolled his eyes and began to wish the ground would open and swallow him up. Ever since they got together no-one seemed to believe that either of them were actually bisexual. Everyone readily believed Mark was gay, and would not accept any explanation otherwise, but getting them to believe that Roger liked men? For some reason it was like pulling teeth. Mark blamed it on his previous girlfriends and the way he used to make-out obnoxiously with them in front of anyone and everyone, as well as on his attractiveness and general persona. 

Women liked him, and no woman wanted to believe that he was off the market because of another man, or wanted to admit that they fancied a man who liked men. And no man wanted to believe that a man who could put them all to shame with his tales of his Rockstar lifestyle and his sexual prowess with woman (tales all heavily exaggerated by Roger, and always accompanied by his friends stifling laughter in the background) was also a hit with the men. His dad didn’t want to believe he’d raised a fag. And it made Mark’s blood boil. Who were they to dictate what Roger liked. Who he liked. And was it really that offensive to everyone else’s sensibilities if that someone was Mark? But luckily, Roger didn’t allow Mark’s thoughts to spiral much further. 

“Yes he’s my boyfriend. For two years actually, and I love him, and I really don’t give a shit what you think anymore”. And in a split second Roger was kissing Mark like his life depended on it. When he pulled away he noticed that Mark was looking slightly nonplussed, still holding the glasses in his hands, and very aware that virtually everyone at the wake was looking at him. But Roger just took the glasses from him, placed them on the table and went back to kissing him until Mark’s brain kicked in and he began to kiss back. 

“I love you”, Roger whispered, in-between kisses, and Mark just smiled, and blushed, and then Roger led him out, his father effing and blinding, his mother awkwardly trailing behind them. 

Mark never minded people assuming Roger was straight as much after that particular outburst. It always ended with Roger deciding that he had to prove, very, very definitively, that he wasn’t, in ways that always ended up benefitting Mark greatly, and probably breaking a couple of public decency laws. But as long as everyone got the message, that was just fine with Mark.

▪ ▪ ▪

“I don’t get you two sometimes”. 

“Hmm?” Mark looked up from staring into space and turned to look at Maureen. 

“You and Roger”, she continued, “I just don’t get you sometimes”. 

“Get what?”

“How you work”. 

“I’m not about to explain guy on guy sex to you Maureen if that’s what you’re after”, Mark teased, smirking. 

“No, I just mean…I guess I didn’t think he was your type, that’s all”.

“What, attractive, kind, funny, creative? Sure, why would anyone want that?”

“Oh pookie, always after people waaaay out of your league”. 

“Oh like you, you mean? You weren’t exactly god’s gift Maureen, you cheated. Countless times”. Mark bumped her shoulder with his playfully. 

“Because I was out of your league!” Maureen cried dramatically. As their laughter faded though, Mark pressed on, more seriously. 

“Roger’s not like that though. He would never…” 

“Oh honey I know!” Maureen interrupted. “No doubt about that, when that boy falls he falls hard. In it for the long haul. He’s just had bad luck is all. Like, the shittiest. What makes you so sure this is any different?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“You’re very different people Mark, anyone can see that. I mean, he’s got his whole brooding Rockstar things, you’ve got your whole nerdy thing. How does he not get pissed off by your neuroses, your constant nagging, how do you deal with all his moody guiltiness. He needs the excitement and the glamour and the danger of someone who’s living life on the edge, soaking up every last drop, not someone who shies away from it all”. 

“I don’t shy away. I document. Besides, you ever think that maybe he’s had enough danger? Life changes all of us Maureen, maybe he’s ready for something different”. 

“I just don’t get how he doesn’t get bored of you”. 

“Gee, thanks Maureen”. 

“You’re just so…I don’t know, domestic. Almost sensible. Too sensible to put up with my shit. So why put up with his? It just doesn’t make sense”.  
“Yeah, well, opposites attract and all”, Mark said shortly. 

“Pookie”, Maureen said soothingly, “I’m happy you too found each other, I really am, god knows you deserve it, but I’m sick of people saying to me, ‘oh, what’s the deal with those two’ and not knowing what to say, so I’m asking you what the deal is”. 

“The deal is he’s my best friend. We balance each other out. Maybe he’s a little rough around the edges, and sure he’s got his baggage, but don’t all of us? The difference is that I’ve been there for it. Through all of it. And he’s done the same for me. There’s no questions or awkwardness or judgement because we already know everything about one another. It’s comfortable. And he inspires me and I think I do the same for him, and his music. Just like April did, and Mimi. She brought him out of his shell and I’m so fucking thankful for that. And I wanna keep it that way, for her as well as for him and for me. He deserves it. 

And god when he’s himself he’s so fucking beautiful. He lights up y’know? He writes songs all day, he jokes, he flirts. And when he’s not himself he’s beautiful too. Because that’s still part of him, and we get through it. Thank god for life support, but we get through it. I love him. And he loves me. If you don’t see it that’s fine because I know it. Or at least, he needs me”, he said wryly. Mark began to feel less sure of himself under Maureen’s penetrating gaze. “He probably doesn’t have long. He’s been living on borrowed time for a long while already. I guess he wants someone to be there for him like that when it happens. I’m as good as anyone”. 

“Until he finds someone else”, cut in Maureen. “I’m just trying to prepare you pookie. Believe it or not I don’t want to see you get your heart broken again”. 

“That’s kind of inevitable don’t you think? Given our situation”. 

“Well, broken before it needs to be. I know he cares about you Mark it’s just, I don’t see how it can be as much as you want him to”. 

At that moment, Roger burst through the door of the loft. 

“It’s official! I saw it on the newspaper stand, look”, he shoved a paper under Mark’s nose. “The domestic partnership thing. Gay or straight it’s now officially legal”. 

“Sounds like a cause for a celebration!” cried Maureen. She rushed over to grab some cups and the remains of a bottle of Stoli. 

“So, Mark?” Mark noticed Roger still standing there, looking at him expectantly. 

“What” Mark asked warily. 

“Marry me?” 

“What?” Mark said again incredulously, daring to hope for a second. 

“Well, domestic partner me?” Mark’s heart crashed to the ground with a thump. 

“Oh, um…” he began to fumble as he scanned through the article. ‘This is just practical, purely practical, it doesn’t mean anything’ the voice in his head was saying. 

“I mean, it would be useful for hospital visits when you…if you, I mean…and then I guess rent and bills and stuff…” 

“Mark, look at me”. Mark gulped as Roger removed the paper. 

“Forget about all of that. Listen to what I’m really asking you. If there wasn’t rent, or bills, or doctor’s appointments, if I didn’t have HIV, if you knew that being with me for the rest of my life was pretty much guaranteed to be another forty, fifty or even sixty years, would you do it?”

“Of course”, Mark replied, voice cracking as tears threatened to well up. 

“Well then that’s all that matters. Screw everything else. Screw everyone else. You’re it for me Mark. I love you. What do you say?”

Mark ran his fingers through his hair wildly, hoping against all hope that he wasn’t dreaming. 

“Okay!” Roger’s grin matched Mark’s as he picked him up off the floor in a celebratory manner before putting him back down and pulling him into a deep kiss. 

“Well, I guess I was wrong”, said Maureen from the sidelines, bringing them back down to earth. 

“About what?” asked Roger. 

“Nothing”, Mark said, scraping his fingers against the nape of Roger’s neck. 

“Just kiss me again”, he whispered conspiratorially in Roger’s ear. Roger just smirked. 

“Like you ever even need to ask”. 

And that was that.

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the song 'Best Worst Mistake' from the musical If/Then, one of the most fun gay duets ever and featuring Anthony Rapp!  
> This fic was inspired by a lovely comment by celeste2003 on my fic 'The way that I love you' who wanted a Mark POV of the same story. This is what I came up with, so although it's a bit different in style I hope it still satisfies!


End file.
